I absolutely hated middle school. I was surrounded by beautiful blond girls named Staci and Tiffani and other 80s “i” names. But I was too skinny, wore huge plastic framed glasses, had braces, and didn’t really ever learn how to do make up or hair. I was ugly. And the girls at Herndon Middle School let me know it.

So I anxiously waited to finish middle school so I could get to the stage of life where people don’t write notes about people they don’t really know, don’t push the ugly girls into lockers, and don’t pick on smaller kids. I survived by thinking, if I can only endure school and get to adulthood where people use common sense, and live by the golden rule… Or karma… Or some other philosophy that all adults seemed to understand that made them nicer than teenagers. Yes, adulthood. That would be better.

But here I am, all grown up, and it still feels like middle school. I recently heard a story from a client who had gotten an anonymous e-mail (I’m not making this up, someone actually created a fake e-mail name like somethingyoushouldknow@hotmail.com). In the e-mail, there was a link to a negative web site article about a person this client works with regularly. As he told me about this, my mind wandered back to the time Staci slipped a note into my best friend’s locker telling her that she shouldn’t be friends with me. Staci didn’t sign it, but we knew it was her.

In this situation, my client already knew the fact provided by the anonymous tipster and it had the reverse effect – the client had a good idea of who the sender was and thought it looked pathetic and desperate. But it did get me thinking … where are the adults? I hear all the time that it’s a “dog eat dog” world, but I disagree. Dogs seem more honorable than a lot of business people these days. I think the honest truth is that some of us never grew up and we’ve maintained middle school attitudes.

Don’t get me wrong, I strongly support a competitive marketplace because healthy competition is good for the consumer, and it forces companies to create and offer better products and services. But I’m also an advocate of fair play. Anonymous e-mails? Seriously? Again, where are the adults? What ever happened to “good goes round,” “do unto others,” and qualities such as share, respect, honor? Is adulthood going to be one huge disappointment?

Another notable component of this story is that e-mails are easily tracked. The same way we could tell the note given to my best friend was from Staci by the way she dotted her I’s with hearts, here in 2007 it’s VERY easy to track IP addresses. Who comes out looking worse — the subject of the e-mail or the person who sent it and reverted to juvenile habits, even creating a silly e-mail address?

This story emphasizes that public relations is much broader than media relations alone. Today, anything you say can be used against you. Every memo, every e-mail, every conversation over lunch or in an elevator or behind closed office doors… it’s all public relations. You are defining your own brand by what you tell others and how you treat others. Do you want to be the company or executive who is always verbally attacking and criticizing competition, making enemies with everyone else on the playground? Or shouldn’t you be the company who is involved in the community, has healthy relationships with competition, and uses the industry as a gauge to improve your own product or service offering? The company that people respect.

I think it will be fun to see Staci at our ten-year reunion. I plan on putting on a smile and letting things from the past remain in the past. I’m an adult now. (Besides, I landed a hot husband and will enjoy showing him off … again, I’m a fan of healthy competition!)

A lot of us get so emotionally involved in our jobs that we often don’t step back and look at the big picture. We say negative things about others to help ourselves in the moment, but often end up hurting ourselves in the long run. When we’re tempted to criticize or burn the competition, we need to remember that Salt Lake is a very small market. Word gets around in a small town, and our reputation is our most valuable asset. Unless you’re in the business of making enemies, it’s best to think positively, speak positively and act like adults.