During a three way conversation with my friend Robin Peng, he introduced Fight Club to someone we were talking to as my ‘philosophy’ of networking. Surprise. I have a philosophy of social networking.Well, I guess maybe I do.

Networking

Networking for it’s own sake is usually a waste of time in a business sense. Too often I’ve found myself with a paper plate and a few edible tidbits, standing around in a group and evaluating the scene to see if there’s someone I might be interested in talking too. In general there are lots of people that I don’t think I’m interested in talking to because the evaluations I’m making are based on such scant information that I instantly assign them a category or level of interest. It’s a perfectly logical way of attempting to segment those who I think I want to talk to from those I think I don’t want to talk to. I have no way of knowing if I’m making a good judgement or not. I might just as easily pass up an opportunity to meet a new friend or business partner.

I’m totally aware that this is always happening to me since I’m usually dressed in jeans and I may potentially have a days worth of beard growth. It’s not often (read never) that I wear a suit anymore unless someone died.

So, there I am, plate in hand, attempting to decide who is worth overcoming my inherent reticence and actually introducing myself to. All the while I’m muttering under my breath that I hate these things more than the waxing scene in 40 Year Old Virgin.
So, what can you do? What should you do? And… how do you do it?

The Problem: You’re not part of the networks that you want to be part of.

Groups consolidate into Horizontal Networks.

A horizontal network is made up of members who see themselves as equals in some way. It doesn’t mean that they come from the same income bracket or social background, it means that they aggregate around a common perception that they all belong to the same group, even if that perception is fleeting. Humans search for a common bond that identifys them as part of a group. (It’s interesting to not that anti-social groups are built around group identities.)
Our kids ride at the same riding academy. We graduated from the same school. We speak French. We hate the French. We’re related… Whatever . Humans have an innate sense of group that is inherently harsh. If you’re in a group, you’re one of us. If you’re not, you’re of no interest at best and we might actually want to invade your country and make you sing our national anthem. (As the saying goes: “Give a German a gun and he’ll head for Paris.”)
Verticals never network… except in ‘Maid in Manhattan’.

Groups that try to network what are perceived as two different ’stratum’ never work. The social bonds humans look for exclude accepting this.

Just try to have a vertical networking event where VC’s and angels get together with entrepreneurs and students. The single Angel who shows will be mobbed and that, as they say, with be the end of that. It’s typical that those in the lesser stratum think that they have much more to gain from those in the upper. For the most part, humans don’t like to feel that they’re offering more than their receiving and it creates ‘they want something from me’ tensions that people avoid, even when it’s in their best interest to know and network with a different group.

Dunbar’s Number: Humans have the ability to form around 150 total relationships and no more according to Dunbar’s Number. Interesting, military organizations have always been built around these numbers. While there are some people with linked in networks of 500+, it’s not really possible to have or maintain that many real relationships.

Life with Alacrity’s post on Dunbars Number: The group size predicted for modern humans by equation (1) would require as much as 42% of the total time budget to be devoted to social grooming.

Good to know that your aunt Millie is taking up one of your relationship slots.

You can read the rest of this prattling post on horizontal networking and why I started Fight Club if you’re interested. I just thought I’d share the info on Dunbars Number here.